elizzi_james's Xanga

Poetry.

Sun, 04 May 2008 18:26:37 GMT

The shackles I wear are starting to wear
My soul into a world of pain.
The nightmares in my mind are pushing
My sanity to the brink of breaking.
The ribbons around in my hair
Are fraying with each second I fight.
Can't you see me falling apart?
The words I say no longer have
Meanings, for there is no emotion.
The sickness I have is from my
Own venom, poisoning myself.
The eye liner is running from
My tears escaping their locked prison.
Can't you see I'm broken?
You come to me and say
"I would fix you, but you're perfect."
I reply simply that I am broken.
"Perfect."
"Damaged."
"Perfect."
"Worthless."
"Let me fix you, then."
But, how can I when you think I'm not broken at all?
Can't you see I'm missing half of my
Soul?
Heart?
Mind?
Sanity?
How will you fix the unknown?
How can you save me from
Myself?

A Dreamer

Mon, 24 Mar 2008 02:28:24 GMT

What can I tell about your personality?(pics+detailed)

You are a dreamer who is able to see both the good and the bad sides of our world. Sometimes you get lost in your own world, thinking something deeply or simply having a daydream. At the first sight you might look shy, but when people get to know you they find out that you're actually a bit crazy and really fun to be around. You don't always speak your mind, but you usually listen carefully to those around you and not many things get past your eyes... but only if you are not in your world.You often like to be left alone, dealing with your thoughts or taking it easy by reading, writing or drawing.You are a very caring person who puts others infront of yourself, therefor you are deeply loved by your friends and family. Go you! ^.^
Take this quiz!

Quizilla | Join | Make A Quiz | More Quizzes | Grab Code

Castles in the Sky.

Fri, 14 Mar 2008 05:09:26 GMT

Do you ever question your life?
Do you ever wonder why?
Do you ever see in your dreams...
All the castles in the sky

Oh tell me why
Do we build castles in the sky?
Oh tell me why
All the castles way up high
Please tell me why
Do we build castles in the sky?
Oh tell me why
All the castles way up high

Do you ever question your life?
Do you ever wonder why?
Do you ever see in your dreams...
All the castles in the sky

Oh tell me why
Do we build castles in the sky?
Oh tell me why
All the castles way up high
Please tell me why
Do we build castles in the sky?
Oh tell me why
All the castles way up high

------------------------

So, nothing to report. Just a good song.

The Truth About Heaven...

Wed, 05 Mar 2008 02:29:21 GMT

But that's not why I'm here.
I came out here to tell you
It rained in Heaven all day long.
I want to find you so bad
To let you know, I'm miserable
Up here without you.

Lately, I've realized that I'm kinda infatuated by death. What will happen to me? Does the past matter in it? Will the fact that I don't know what my orientation is affect it? Will one decision now affect the whole thing? I know that I trust God to let me into Heaven, but am I meeting all of the quatlifications? Why do different churches have different "sins" that will not allow you to go to Heaven? What if I didn't know and had no choice in the matter?

I'm just ranting now. No one needs to answer those. Good day.

~Belle

http://fc04.deviantart.com/fs19/f/2007/257/e/6/Emo_Boys_by_Kiiyoutsu.jpg
Caution: Boy x Boy

Poisoned.

Sun, 17 Feb 2008 04:51:53 GMT

I will not let you take over again, your lack of virtuous

Life. You were once my hero and life line, but you gave up

That right. I refuse to let you take over again with the words

Of poison and betrayal sugar-coated as nice as an ad for

Chocolates.

There are no more bonds that we share.

I release your poison from my veins

With all of the rust flavored lies in the needles.

I refuse to agree to any sound you make, or hold onto

The betrayed lines of yarn in your web of drugged

Paranoia.

I give up the love that you once shoved upon me,

Like a burden that I no longer with to carry without question.

For now, I have learned to question everything.

You will not hold me

I will not fear my chance to speak up.

I will not fear my chance to fight against the wrongs.

I will not fear my chance to become something of worth.

I will not fear my chance to be remembered.

I will not fear my chance to be loved.

I will not fear my chance to become who I truly am.

To be me, to be me, Father.

You have poisoned me with my own kindness.

You have spiked the very soul with my knowledge.

Alas, you killed my heart, but I left it unprotected.

_________________________

Yeah, so....

This was a poem I wrote about my dad. It's kinda obvious, if you think about it.

I started crying on my keyboard, what a mess. . . Kinda like my life lately.

I've been snapping for no reason, and I really don't want that happening anymore.

It's not me, it's just something that happened to me. LIke what happened with that girl. It has an affect on me, but isn't me. You know?

I'm writing everything down again. Forming an outlet to my anger, hate, pain, sorrow, happiness, and whatever I feel. to stop the snapping. To stop the strangeness. To keep my world spinning, you know?

Well, that's it.

Good night and good luck.

--Belle

Imvu

Mon, 04 Feb 2008 02:10:48 GMT

There's this chat site I go on... IMVU... It's awesome. Check it out.

IMVU - The World's Greatest 3D Chat

My only escape....

Mon, 28 Jan 2008 04:25:12 GMT

Yeah, so the guard comp went pretty well until I got ill on the bus and almost got hit going home from taking James to his house. I couldn't see the lines on the road and this guy almost plowed into the side of my car without warning. Not good. But I've got a new windshield whipper now, so it's all better. My mom just needs to register my car, Mark needs to print out insurance and I can get my parking spot back. <3

Yup yup. Watching too much anime. Chobits, at the moment. Finshed part of DNAngel, FLCL, and started Black Cat. It's crazy. I'm getting head aches more often. I don't understand why. I know why my nose hurts when I touch it, damn flag. Plus, this scar that I've had on my knee since I was twelve started bleeding today. Weird.

I feel like baking, but I don't know what. Maybe I'll do something for James for our one year (Tueday!). It's kinda weird that we've stayed together this long. I really didn't expect to fall in love with him when we started going out, but I proved myself wrong. I really didn't think I could love anyone for a while there. That crushes were what I was destined to have, and that no one would like me back. A few guys proved that wrong, which is strange in it's own.

Thanks for reading.

Love,

Shawna Belle

Beating Hearts Baby.

Fri, 11 Jan 2008 05:01:54 GMT

Baby is this love for real?
Let me in your arms to feel.
The beating of your heart baby.
The beating of your heart baby.

You
You want nothing to do with me
You
You want nothing to do with me
I
I don't know what to do with you
'Cause you
Don't know what you do to me

Girl
You really got your hold on me
Girl
You really got your hold on me
Go
You gotta get away from me
'Cause you
You want nothing to do with me

Goodbye of you
Even out of you
Still I love all of you
I do yeah
In spite of you
Even out of you
Still I love all of you
I do well...

Well, lately James has been strangely affectionate. It's not something that I'm use to and it makes me a bit happy but concerned as to why. I mean, for a long time, he didn't do anything at school. Just occasional hugging and a kiss on a check. It's really not what I'm accustomed to. :] Not that I'm complaining.

Love,

Belle

Want vs Need.

Fri, 28 Dec 2007 03:59:58 GMT

Ok, so everyone wants to be wanted, but not everyone wants to be needed. Why? Need sounds like a life or death situation. Like, if they are not there for you, you will start to fall apart at the seams. Want sounds like desire. Like, they wish for you to be there and they appreciate you, but they won't die if you are not there. So, which is it? Do you want or do you need? I want to hang out with my friends, I want to lose weight, and I want to be a good manga artist. I need to breathe, I need to eat at least a little, and I need to explain what's in my head. If I don't do that, I will surely explode. Now, with people. Do you need them or do you want them? I want to talk to Reyna, she makes life fun. I want to be with James, he's like my chocolate (addictive, but healing). I need my mom, she gives me a roof over my head and food. I need teachers, with out them I would be just an other idiot in an idiotic world. That's all for now, I guess.

Love,

Belle.

Ps: If anyone has advice when it comes to getting out of a hurtful relationship with a parent, please hit me up.

Pretty Green Eyes...

Mon, 17 Dec 2007 02:49:50 GMT

I hate people.
I hate people who treat me like my dad.
I hate them more than I should hate anyone.
They make me want to cry and most of the time I can prevent it.
Most, not all.
I seem to be crying a lot more often then I use to.
I'm not sure I can deal with my dad or . . . crazy people.
Some how, My life seems to be getting crazier rather then more simple.
Hopefully, something good will happen.

Love,

Belle